New Jurassic Park Trilogy? I'll Pass
It's been rumored for years that a Jurassic Park IV was in development, but until now there had been no substantial movement towards actually making the movie. The project had been ridiculed ever since the first draft of the script came out and it featured - get this - dinosaurs armed with guns, being used by our government to fight our wars. After the reaction to that script wasn't quite what the studio was hoping for, it appeared that the project wasn't going to see the light of day. Until today.
Apparently, in an interview with Box Office (Click here to read it yourself), Joe Johnston has said that there will be a new Jurassic Park trilogy that will be taking place off the islands of Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna. What could this possibly mean? It could mean a few different things. We could be getting the aforementioned machine gun dinosaurs. Or who knows, maybe we could be getting zombies over running New York, because that worked so well with Godzilla 2000.... or not. All I know is that I do not have high hopes for the new trilogy. And the reason? Joe stupid Johnston.
Who is Joe Johnston? He's the director of the craptastic third entry in the Jurassic Park series. He managed to make dinosaurs boring. How does one manage to do such a thing? Take the first movie for example. It's an epic movie. From the moment they land their helicopter on the island and see the gigantic dinosaur rise up from out of the ocean you have chills running down your spine. And they didn't even just rely on the dinosaurs. There was a real plot to the movie, lots of tension and some really terrifying moments. It was and still is a masterpiece.
Then take the second movie. Not a perfect movie and certainly not as epic as the first one, but still a very fun movie to watch. It had a lot of crazy moments that were visually stunning. The scene where they're running through the fields and getting picked off one by one by velociraptors is great. The bloody waterfall scene is one of my favorite scenes out of any movie. And as surly and cynical as I may be, not even I can say that there wasn't a certain fun factor to seeing the little boy
look out his window at a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
But then you get to the third movie. The Joe Johnston movie. He takes us back to the island, where we belong, but he does it in the dullest, least entertaining way possible. We're back on the island because a little boy parasailed onto the island? Give me a break. As the movie went on, the stupidity grew greater and greater. People don't want to see a dinosaur movie about dinosaurs showing humanity. They want to see a dinosaur movie about dinosaurs being dinosaurs. If you're surrounded by a pack of angry dinosaurs because you stole their eggs out of the nes, you're done for. DEAD. DUNZO. You can't ceremoniously offer the eggs back to the dinosaurs and say "my bad", hoping that the head dinosaur will call everyone off... unless you're in Jurassic Park III. The movie was flawed from beginning to end, even going as far as to make a T-Rex look like a little bitch compared to a Spinosaurus. What the hell is a Spinosaurus anyway?
When a movie is as bad as Jurassic Park III was, some of the shit that hits the fan has to come back and splatter up against the director. And the shit just keeps flying in his direction, because he's also at the helm of The WolfMan, which has been plagued with production issues from the very beginning. I have to question why the suits would want to keep Joe Johnston on board the franchise. JP3 was panned by not only critics, but by fans of the first two movies. So why would you possibly want this guy to make not only the next movie, but the next three?
Johnston is a hack. If they want to erase the bad taste that was in everybody's mouth after the third movie there are two words that would go a long way in doing so. Steven. Spielberg.
Apparently, in an interview with Box Office (Click here to read it yourself), Joe Johnston has said that there will be a new Jurassic Park trilogy that will be taking place off the islands of Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna. What could this possibly mean? It could mean a few different things. We could be getting the aforementioned machine gun dinosaurs. Or who knows, maybe we could be getting zombies over running New York, because that worked so well with Godzilla 2000.... or not. All I know is that I do not have high hopes for the new trilogy. And the reason? Joe stupid Johnston.
Who is Joe Johnston? He's the director of the craptastic third entry in the Jurassic Park series. He managed to make dinosaurs boring. How does one manage to do such a thing? Take the first movie for example. It's an epic movie. From the moment they land their helicopter on the island and see the gigantic dinosaur rise up from out of the ocean you have chills running down your spine. And they didn't even just rely on the dinosaurs. There was a real plot to the movie, lots of tension and some really terrifying moments. It was and still is a masterpiece.
Then take the second movie. Not a perfect movie and certainly not as epic as the first one, but still a very fun movie to watch. It had a lot of crazy moments that were visually stunning. The scene where they're running through the fields and getting picked off one by one by velociraptors is great. The bloody waterfall scene is one of my favorite scenes out of any movie. And as surly and cynical as I may be, not even I can say that there wasn't a certain fun factor to seeing the little boy
look out his window at a Tyrannosaurus Rex.But then you get to the third movie. The Joe Johnston movie. He takes us back to the island, where we belong, but he does it in the dullest, least entertaining way possible. We're back on the island because a little boy parasailed onto the island? Give me a break. As the movie went on, the stupidity grew greater and greater. People don't want to see a dinosaur movie about dinosaurs showing humanity. They want to see a dinosaur movie about dinosaurs being dinosaurs. If you're surrounded by a pack of angry dinosaurs because you stole their eggs out of the nes, you're done for. DEAD. DUNZO. You can't ceremoniously offer the eggs back to the dinosaurs and say "my bad", hoping that the head dinosaur will call everyone off... unless you're in Jurassic Park III. The movie was flawed from beginning to end, even going as far as to make a T-Rex look like a little bitch compared to a Spinosaurus. What the hell is a Spinosaurus anyway?
When a movie is as bad as Jurassic Park III was, some of the shit that hits the fan has to come back and splatter up against the director. And the shit just keeps flying in his direction, because he's also at the helm of The WolfMan, which has been plagued with production issues from the very beginning. I have to question why the suits would want to keep Joe Johnston on board the franchise. JP3 was panned by not only critics, but by fans of the first two movies. So why would you possibly want this guy to make not only the next movie, but the next three?
Johnston is a hack. If they want to erase the bad taste that was in everybody's mouth after the third movie there are two words that would go a long way in doing so. Steven. Spielberg.
No comments:
Post a Comment