As a fan of not only horror movies, but movies in general, I've realized that you must look past good or bad. It's not a matter of thumbs up or thumbs down, or for your cyber critics, being rotten or fresh. There's a lot more to it than just that. Some of the worst movies ever made are still entertaining and enjoyable under the right circumstances. And for me, The House of the Dead is just that. A downright bad movie that does not fail to entertain if you're in the right mindset.
Obviously you can't go into it expecting to see a masterpiece. It's not Hitchcockian horror. Uwe Boll isn't Scorcese. If you go into it looking to be scared, you'll shut it off ten minutes in. If you go into it expecting to see well versed thespians on the run from zombies, again, you'll shut it off. But if you get a couple friends together and pop this in, you'll laugh your ass off and have a blast watching and making fun of it.
You can tell that you're in for some cheezy goodness right from the first time you see Clint Howard playing a deckhand on the shitty beaten up boat that the college kids take to the island that is supposedly hosting a rave. When Captain Kirk (yes, they have a character named Captain Kirk) is around, Howard's poor schlub act really takes off as he gets emasculated on many occasions.
The dialogue in this film is absolutely terrible, save a bunch of one liners that'll have you both cracking up and rolling your eyes at the same time. When you think about the plot, you have to realize that this film is based off of a video game. The video game had a barely there, paper thin plot... but that was still considered too much. So the version we got in this film is a dumbed down version of a stupid video game that was essentially created just so there was a reason to kill zombies. Because we all know killing zombies for no reason isn't fun.
This movie realizes that it is what it is. If you have a one dimensional story being acted out by shitty actors, why emphasize the story? Instead we get a cornucopia of tits (how did the main chick keep her damn tank top from breaking), violence, bad acting and quick cuts to clips from the video game. The "zombies", and I use that term loosely, act and look so damn strange that they resemble the Putty Patrol from Power Rangers more than they resemble the traditional zombie. They aren't exactly the fiercest zombies either, as Captain Kirk was able to take out a whole shitload of them with a Yosemite Sam style six shooter.
It also has my pick for the most unintentionally hilarious scenes out of any movie I've ever seen. In the climax you get to see a headless torso strangle one of the leads. It's absolutely hysterical watching the head roll around on the ground, as the torso tries to choke someone to death. The effects made things even better (or worse, I guess) because you can see how obviously green screened it is.
So if you've got some time to kill, or you're having some people over and want to put something fun on in the background, this is the movie for you. If you're expecting something Shakespearean, it's not for you. This is definitely one of my guilty pleasures, and I think if you check it out, you'll find it to be one of yours too.
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